The word I keep hearing as I cry out to God asking him for clarity, asking him for resolution.
I’m feeling completely out of control, and I’m desperately wanting to know what’s next. I want to know what the answer is, what’s going to happen. I want to feel safe again.
But the answer remains…just wait.
Truthfully, I’m sick of waiting. I’m so tired of taking blind steps forward on wobbly, scared legs. I’m tired of going to bed each night more uncertain than the day before. I’m tired of having this desire so deep in my soul, but not knowing if it will be fulfilled at all.
But… I’m discovering that this messy middle, the waiting, is a gift. Even though I’m here kicking and screaming, God is showing me that he has me here for a purpose. He’s gifted me with the opportunity to release my grip and expect him to show up no matter what.
The expectation in the waiting is a gift.
I didn’t grow up in a Christian tradition that observed Advent, but over the last few years I’ve discovered how beautiful and rich of a time it is. Advent is a time of recognizing that we are people of the middle. We accept that what Jesus did for us on the cross, and we live in faith in the middle as we expect his return someday.
You see, I don’t believe that the timing of this intense waiting period is an accident. He’s asking me to learn to wait for this one thing, so that I can learn what it means to live a life in the middle. I’m learning to trust him to show up each day. I’m expecting him to fulfill all of his promises.
I don’t know what will happen. Will I be overjoyed or heart broken? I’m not sure. But I do know that God will show up. I choose to wake up each morning full of faith and expectation that he is at work, and living in the uncomfortable middle is a gift full of his grace.
So friends, are you living with expectation today? I promise you can trust him to show up.
He will show up. `