Today, I’m just going to be honest…
I’ve stared at this computer screen for hours. Literally. Just trying to write something, anything. This is not the first time, I did the exact same thing yesterday. Sitting, staring, typing, deleting…the same thing over and over and over again.
I really want to write. I love what is happening in this space. I have pages of blog topics in my journal, things God is chiseling into my heart. There are several awesome books that I’ve read recently that I would like to discuss here. However, every time I sit down to actually do it, I just can’t.
So, I’m going to try something different.
God has been impressing upon me over and over again that real influence and teaching happens when we’re honest and vulnerable with each other. When we’re actually transparent about what God is doing in our lives and what He’s teaching us.
With that in mind, here is what real life looks like right now.
Life looks chaotic and messy, and a tad more frantic than I care to admit. Life looks like me giving into the chatter in my head, giving into the fear, giving into the enemy more times than not. Life looks like me exhausted and most definitely not resting in the promises of Jesus.
I’m ending a very busy season at work. One filled with a lot of pressure, unreal amounts of detail, and the potential for significant impact on people in our community. As the pressure mounted I began to feel like it was all up to me. The success of the entire event was up to me and my ability to be perfect. Somewhere along the line I let the fear and anxiety that filled my mind become my truth, and when fear is our truth an unrealistic sense of control sets in. The chatter in my head was so incredibly loud and I was not slowing down long enough to ever hear the quiet whisper of my savior.
Ultimately, life became all about me. My fear, my worry, the possibility that I might mess up or let someone down. Living like that is not sustainable or joy filled. That’s a half-lived life, a broken life.
The good news is that our God is bigger than all of that. In the midst of my disobedience He continued to provide blessings, and more importantly, He impacted the lives of many. And as I reflect, I see Him using each situation, each fear and doubt, to teach me so much.
He’s taught me that…
- It’s not about me. When our focus becomes all about us, we lose perspective. We trade an eternal perspective for one that focuses on our immediate wellbeing and comfort. When we lose perspective, we’re ultimately losing sight of the one who gave His life for us.
- Christ gave us freedom on the cross. We all have the opportunity for freedom from worry, fear, and the stronghold of perfection. Each time we allow these things to rule in our lives we’re essentially handing that freedom back to Jesus. How incredibly sad that must make Him and what amazing opportunity are we missing out on.
- Let go of perfect. When perfection is our goal we will always fail. It’s that simple. When we hold ourselves to perfection we are basically telling God that He can’t redeem brokenness and mistakes.
- We must be still. No matter how demanding our schedules are, we must find time to be still before the Lord. If we don’t do that we may never hear His voice. Too often we complain that He’s not listening, that He doesn’t answer our prayers. I think the real problem is that we’re too loud and busy to hear His answer.
So friends, what does your life look like right now? Have you spent some time in honest reflection lately? Do it! That’s most likely where God will begin to reveal the opportunities he has for you.